Am sure what I am going to write is what most Moms experience, but I am so exhausted that I am turning to blogger for some sympathy. But given the dwindling readership, I don't hope to get any. Nevertheless, I will write.
Given that I was on bed rest throughout pregnancy and somewhat limited movement after delivery for close to 5 months, my body is somewhat weak. But now, there has been a sudden increase in the amount of work that I need to do everyday. And my system is protesting.
To begin with, I work from home. That will make many of them say 'Oh! She's lucky'. And yes, lucky I am. I don't deny that. I get to see my baby whenever I want, feed her, bathe her, play, cuddle, pacify and do all that I want, whenever I want. That is the only plus.
The company I work for is good enough to let me work from home. Does not define a start and end time of day. As long as I complete my work, they are fine. This is true even for employees working from office site. However, I seem unable to do even the basic work that I am supposed to. I feel terribly guilty that I am taking advantage of these facilities and not giving back my full to them.
Because, I need to manage house, cook and clean, do laundry and somewhere in between all this I need to work.
When people hear 'work from home' they conveniently forget the 'work' part and think am just 'home'! They don't realize I still need to do the same amount of work, attend calls, prepare charts and all that stuff people do in office. Am neither doing justice to my official duties nor am I spending hassle-free time with the baby.
I should really be thankful that Baby S is such a non-fussy and happy baby. She is really not a trouble at all to manage. But there is a minimum that she needs right? Like, feed her on time, change her soiled diapers, play and hold and rock her softly
to sleep. On most days she eats her food properly. On certain days she takes a while and my sub-conscious starts to agitate... 'have I been away from desk for long?'
The moment my mind starts wandering, I lose focus on feeding her and try to rush. And I really hate myself for doing that.
I do have a support system to take care of the baby... but I still do most of the feeding, cleaning/changing bit. I love to do it. I don't see it as a chore. Just that I feel guilty thinking am doing that on office time. It is so frustrating that at times I seriously think of quitting work.
There are Stay at home moms and working moms. Are there some 'working from home' moms out there? How do you manage your time? What am I doing wrong? Your suggestions are most welcome.
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6 comments:
hey DC
I am not sure if I qualify to comment cos at present I am a SAHM. I ve had a baby recently couple of months ago. My MIL was here to help me for 3 weeks and after that its just me and my husband taking care of the child. Being first time parents its definitely overwhelming and I am right now yearning for some support.
Well coming back to the point, I understand that you want to be a part of everything for the baby. I also read in ur post that you do have support, my advice to you would be to make use of the support you have while you are working and do not feel guilty if you dont get to do everything for the baby. Once you have sometime you can always have baby time. Nurse your baby twice or thrice when you are working and the rest you can pump and store.Just make use of the support that you have. I hope this helps.
take care
Anusha
Hey DC, first time commenting here, tho' I have read some of your posts. I've been WFM for almost 3 years now, and tho' I love it, there are days and weeks when I'm screaming with the frustration of being on several jobs at once, you know what I mean. The self-discipline required is huge! Had blogged about it long ago http://starsinmeyes.wordpress.com/2009/02/11/suspended-animation/
Recently I had put my foot down with my hubby and 2 kids, because I realised my work had become a very casual thing for them. Our home is so small that I can't even carve out a home office where I could work undisturbed, so we worked out some timings where I would be strictly left alone...it helped a bit, but with all the kids' holidays and festivals, it hasn't helped a lot. So I have no solutions for you! I'm supposed to be working right now, but here I am typing out an essay of a comment :-D
Lots of empathy! Hugs!
Anusha - thanks so much for taking time out to comment. And yes, as first time parents everything seems so overwhelming. Hoping to strike a balance.
Starry-eyed - Again, thank you so much for leaving a comment. I read your post and that is exactly what I go through. You have written it much better than I could ever manage. :-)
Will read more of your posts now :-)
DC,
Totally with Anusha... She gave a very wise solution to the problem. DO make more use of your support system. ANd HUgs....
Hi,
I have been working from home for the last three years, ever since I had my second daughter. I am totally with you on the frustrating part but what had helped me immensely was that the baby would be handled totally by my help at home from 9-3, except when things went a bit out of hand. The help would not do any other work other than being with the baby, while I work. I would take a break at 3, when my older one returned from school and again start working after 830, to catch up on remaining stuff. Though there are times when I am on my mail or talking on the phone, when I should be playing with the kids...I would say that this arrangement has worked good for me, so far.
MNIAmma and Anon : thanks for the support. Actually, there are certain constraints with the support system that I have, which I do not want to blog about. Anyway, we all have to make best use of what's available.
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