Am sure what I am going to write is what most Moms experience, but I am so exhausted that I am turning to blogger for some sympathy. But given the dwindling readership, I don't hope to get any. Nevertheless, I will write.
Given that I was on bed rest throughout pregnancy and somewhat limited movement after delivery for close to 5 months, my body is somewhat weak. But now, there has been a sudden increase in the amount of work that I need to do everyday. And my system is protesting.
To begin with, I work from home. That will make many of them say 'Oh! She's lucky'. And yes, lucky I am. I don't deny that. I get to see my baby whenever I want, feed her, bathe her, play, cuddle, pacify and do all that I want, whenever I want. That is the only plus.
The company I work for is good enough to let me work from home. Does not define a start and end time of day. As long as I complete my work, they are fine. This is true even for employees working from office site. However, I seem unable to do even the basic work that I am supposed to. I feel terribly guilty that I am taking advantage of these facilities and not giving back my full to them.
Because, I need to manage house, cook and clean, do laundry and somewhere in between all this I need to work.
When people hear 'work from home' they conveniently forget the 'work' part and think am just 'home'! They don't realize I still need to do the same amount of work, attend calls, prepare charts and all that stuff people do in office. Am neither doing justice to my official duties nor am I spending hassle-free time with the baby.
I should really be thankful that Baby S is such a non-fussy and happy baby. She is really not a trouble at all to manage. But there is a minimum that she needs right? Like, feed her on time, change her soiled diapers, play and hold and rock her softly
to sleep. On most days she eats her food properly. On certain days she takes a while and my sub-conscious starts to agitate... 'have I been away from desk for long?'
The moment my mind starts wandering, I lose focus on feeding her and try to rush. And I really hate myself for doing that.
I do have a support system to take care of the baby... but I still do most of the feeding, cleaning/changing bit. I love to do it. I don't see it as a chore. Just that I feel guilty thinking am doing that on office time. It is so frustrating that at times I seriously think of quitting work.
There are Stay at home moms and working moms. Are there some 'working from home' moms out there? How do you manage your time? What am I doing wrong? Your suggestions are most welcome.